When your nervous system spends years in fight-or-flight, your body adapts to constant threat. You become hyper-alert, emotionally guarded, and physically tense without even realizing it. Rest doesn’t feel safe, because rest never was safe. Eventually, when that external chaos slows down, your body starts to crash. Not because you’re weak—but because you never had the chance to stop before. You’re not lazy. You’re healing. And your body is asking for the calm it never got. Here’s why this happens: • Long-term stress keeps your nervous system in survival mode. This floods your body with stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. • Over time, your brain learns to prioritize danger and urgency over things like rest, creativity, or focus. • When the environment becomes safer, your system finally shifts into freeze, shutdown, or fatigue—not because you’re giving up, but because it’s the first time your body feels like it can. What helps: • Recognize fatigue as a signal, not a flaw. Your body is communicating, not failing you. • Give yourself permission to rest without guilt. Rest is part of healing, not a reward for productivity. • Build pockets of safety into your day. A deep breath, a short walk, or even pausing to stretch helps remind your system: we’re safe now. • Talk back to the internalized shame. “I’m not lazy. I’m recovering.” Say it until it sticks. The nervous system doesn’t flip a switch, it unlearns over time. And that healing deserves compassion, not pressure.

If you grew up walking on eggshells, tiptoeing around parents whose moods could shift without warning, you might notice it showing up in your adult life in ways that feel confusing or exhausting. Maybe you replay conversations for hours after they end. Maybe you assume you did something wrong the second someone’s tone changes. Maybe you find yourself over-explaining or apologizing for things that aren’t even yours to carry. It’s not because you’re too sensitive. It’s not because you’re overreacting. It’s because your nervous system was trained to stay hyper-aware in order to stay safe. When you grow up in unpredictable environments, your brain learns that safety isn’t guaranteed. You start believing that the best way to protect yourself is to anticipate everything before it happens. You study tiny shifts in voice, body language, and expression because back then, catching the warning signs early could mean avoiding hurt, conflict, or abandonment. Even when you are safe now, your body still reacts like you are not. Healing means helping your body realize it doesn’t have to live there anymore. It looks like: • Learning to notice when you’re spiraling and gently bringing yourself back without judgment • Reminding yourself that other people’s moods aren’t always about you • Practicing trusting your own intentions, even when your mind tries to convince you you messed up • Giving yourself permission to pause instead of immediately reacting or fixing If you are a parent now, the best way to break this cycle is not by being perfect, but by being safe. Apologize when you mess up. Repair the moments when you lose your temper. Show your kids that love stays steady even through the hard moments. Above all, healing means learning to feel safe inside yourself so you no longer have to read every room like your survival depends on it. You deserved safe, steady love back then. You deserve it from yourself now 💗

Something I see very often as a therapist is adults who carry a deep fear of getting in trouble, even though they aren’t children anymore. This fear usually doesn’t make a lot of logical sense in the present, which is why so many people feel confused by it. But it makes perfect sense when you look at where it started. If you grew up in a home where mistakes were met with anger, withdrawal, silence, or shame, your nervous system learned early on that getting it “wrong” wasn’t safe. You learned to associate mistakes with emotional consequences-disappointment, rejection, or being made to feel like a burden. Over time, your system adapted. You became cautious. You learned how to avoid conflict, stay small, and stay out of trouble. Now, even though you have more control over your life, that fear is still in your body. It gets activated in moments that seem harmless on the surface, but your nervous system doesn’t know the difference between then and now. Tips- Start by noticing when this fear shows up. Awareness is the first step to interrupting the old pattern. Remind yourself that you’re not in the same environment anymore. You’re allowed to take up space, make mistakes, and be human. Give yourself the reassurance you needed back then. Even just saying to yourself, “I’m not in trouble. I didn’t do anything wrong,” can be calming in the moment. Get curious instead of critical. Ask, “What does this part of me need right now?” instead of pushing it away. For parents who are unsure how to address mistakes without being too harsh or too lenient, when a child makes a mistake, the most important thing you can do is stay connected. That doesn’t mean ignoring the behaviour, it means addressing it without shaming them. Mistakes are an opportunity to teach, not to punish. Speak to them calmly, help them understand what went wrong, and remind them that they’re still loved, even when they mess up. That’s how you build a secure attachment, by showing them that their worth isn’t tied to being perfect.

Most people don’t realize this, but your brain is constantly searching for evidence to confirm the stories you tell it. It’s called confirmation bias, and it happens whether we’re aware of it or not. For example, if you tell yourself, “Nothing ever works out for me,” your brain will start scanning your life for proof of that, zeroing in on every setback or failure, while conveniently ignoring any moments of success or progress. It doesn’t mean your life is actually full of failure, it just means you’ve conditioned your brain to notice only the evidence that fits that belief. This happens because our brains are wired to conserve energy and make quick judgments. It’s easier for your brain to stick with the familiar patterns of thought than to challenge them, even if those patterns don’t serve you. So, when you repeatedly tell yourself something, your brain locks onto it like a truth and begins to filter out anything that contradicts it. If you start asking different questions, your brain will start looking for evidence to match those. For example, instead of saying, “Nothing ever works out for me,” try asking, “What if things are actually working out for me, even in small ways?” This simple shift in perspective can help rewire your brain to seek out moments of success, progress, and growth. You start noticing the things that are working, even if they’re subtle or small, and you begin to build a new narrative for yourself. Ib - @Terra Joy 🥀

And she will. Four years ago, I went through the wildest experience of my life. There were many calls with the police, but the one I’ll never forget was when the officer advised me to leave the country. I was receiving daily death threats from someone who hated me so much, I had no choice but to leave. I had to move. I had to stop practicing. I had to look over my shoulder every minute. I had to miss important moments with the people I love most. And I had to change. Not because I wanted to, but because I was scared. It was clear this person knew things about me they shouldn’t have. The messages weren’t just words, they were specific, unsettling, and felt way too personal. This all started because I posted mental health videos and because I’m a young woman. I get so many comments asking, “What happened to your content?” or “ I miss your old content” and this is the answer. It hasn’t been easy coming back. Getting in front of the camera again, or even finding the same love for this work, has been hard because of what it took from me. Every time I post, I’m in survival mode. But I’m done letting someone else control my narrative. I’d be lying if I said the fear was completely gone, but I’m finding that love for this again, more and more as I reconnect with this community and what it stands for. I’ll share more soon. But for now, it just feels good to get it out there.

My favourite quote as a therapist.

As a therapist, I’ve noticed that people who grew up in families where no one apologized after disagreements and just let time pass often carry that experience into adulthood in unexpected ways. When conflict is ignored instead of addressed, it leaves us feeling emotionally unsafe, even if we don’t realize it at the time. As adults, this often shows up as a deep need to resolve everything right away. You might find yourself over-explaining, over-communicating, or feeling uneasy until you’ve talked things out completely. Even after the conversation, it can feel like things are still unsettled, no matter how much you’ve tried to fix them. Why does this happen? It’s because unresolved conflict in childhood trains your nervous system to stay on high alert. Without healthy examples of repair or resolution, you grow up feeling like tension is a threat, and your body learns to overcompensate in adulthood by trying to control or resolve everything immediately. This pattern doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It’s your body’s way of seeking safety. The good news is, this cycle can be unlearned. Healing starts with recognizing where these behaviors come from and gently reminding yourself that not all tension is dangerous. It’s okay to pause, breathe, and trust that resolution doesn’t have to happen all at once. Does this resonate with you?

Why do I stay up so late even when I’m exhausted? As a therapist, I hear this question all the time, especially from trauma survivors. For a lot of people, those late-night hours feel like the only time life slows down enough to breathe. If you grew up in a chaotic or emotionally unpredictable environment, nighttime may have been the only time things felt calm or safe. You weren’t getting interrupted, judged, or expected to be “on.” Staying up became your way of claiming peace and control. Even in adult relationships, that same pattern can show up. Maybe you find yourself up scrolling late at night after a long day of caregiving, people pleasing, or navigating conflict because it feels like your time…no pressure, no demands, just quiet. Remember: If staying up late is truly your peaceful time and it works for your life, there’s nothing wrong with that. You don’t need to change what’s working for you. But if it’s impacting your overall health, sleep, or daily functioning, if you’re waking up exhausted and it’s affecting your ability to be present or productive, here are a few tips to help shift that pattern: 1️⃣ Create a mini version of your nighttime peace earlier in the day. Set aside even 10 to 15 minutes where you can fully relax and do something calming for yourself without guilt. 2️⃣ Set a calming nighttime routine. Dim the lights, put your phone on “Do Not Disturb,” or read something soothing to help signal your brain it’s safe to rest. 3️⃣ Journal or reflect before bed. Write down anything on your mind, even just random thoughts, so your brain doesn’t feel like it needs to stay awake to hold onto them. 4️⃣ Start small. You don’t need to suddenly start going to bed hours earlier. Try easing back by 15 minutes at a time to slowly adjust your body to the new schedule. Remember, the goal isn’t to force yourself into something unnatural. It’s about figuring out what balance feels supportive for you and prioritizing your well-being on your own terms. 💛

Have you ever listened to 528 Hz frequency? It’s often referred to as the “love frequency,” but beyond the name, it’s known for its calming and grounding effects. Research suggests that listening to certain frequencies, like 528 Hz, can help reduce stress, quiet racing thoughts, and promote focus. It can be helpful for unwinding after a long day, staying centered during a busy moment, or even creating a calming background for work or study. It’s a simple way to help your brain find balance when life feels overwhelming. If you haven’t tried it yet, give it a listen and see if it makes a difference for you!

As a therapist, I’ve noticed that some of the most empathetic adults often come from homes where they felt unseen, misunderstood, or invalidated. This happens because, as children, we adapt to survive. If emotional safety was lacking, you may have learned to focus on others’ emotions as a way to maintain connection or avoid conflict. Over time, this hyper-attunement to others becomes second nature, often leaving your own needs overlooked. While this empathy is a strength, it can lead to burnout or feeling disconnected from yourself. But here’s the good news: this pattern isn’t permanent. You can unlearn it and find balance. Here’s how: 1. Name It Start by recognizing where this pattern comes from. Reflect on your childhood experiences and identify moments when you felt unseen or dismissed. Awareness is the first step toward change. 2. Ask Yourself What You Need Pause throughout the day to check in with yourself. Ask, What do I need right now? It could be rest, support, or even just time alone. The more you practice, the more natural it will feel. 3. Set Boundaries Without Guilt It’s okay to say no. Remind yourself that setting limits doesn’t make you selfish, it protects your energy so you can show up fully for yourself and others. 4. Practice Receiving If you’re used to giving, receiving can feel uncomfortable at first. Start small: accept a compliment, ask for help, or allow someone to care for you. 5. Show Yourself the Same Compassion You Give Others Think of how kind and understanding you are to those around you. Now, direct that same energy inward. Validate your feelings, honor your needs, and remind yourself that you deserve care too. Healing takes time, but every step you take toward prioritizing yourself is progress. You can still be empathetic while also honoring your own needs, it’s not an either/or.