So it may come as no surprise that I’m all about working on myself. I’ve had a long way to climb (which is being generous - I did a lot more crawling, scrambling, and tumbling than actual climbing along the way). One of the hardest lessons to learn was that I wasn’t the only one who needed to make changes. When you don’t know any better, you’ll accept all kinds of behavior as normal. If you grew up in any form of abuse or neglect, you’re likely to associate those things directly with the ideas of family/home/love etc. You’re set up to take whatever abuse the world sends your way. What’s worse, some of us seek it out as a result. I want to be a good friend, a good boss, a good dog owner. Whatever label you’re going to throw at me, I want to be the good version of it. But strangely enough, I found that not expecting those around me to also be the good version of their own labels hindered me from being as good as I could be. We don’t live in a vacuum. We need each other. We also need to be treated well by each other. To be held to account, to be praised, validated, and loved. We can’t always be the ones giving, we also need to receive. Easier said than done sometimes. But relationships are two-way streets. If the street doesn’t run both ways, it may be a relationship, but it’s more like a business transaction (and even then, money flows back so). #40by40 #Turning40 #Relationships

#paris #montmartre #travelgoals #sunsetaesthetic #travelinspo #fy

Montmartre, Paris. Nothing even compares 🥰 #paris #montmartre #thingstodoinparis #travelparis #paristrip #paristravel #solofemaletraveler #france🇫🇷 #parisfrance #solotraveler

📍Jardin du Luxembourg 🌼🌷✨ #luxembourggardens #parisfrance #jardinduluxembourg #thingstodoinparis

Speaking of romantic love, it’s easy to put our hopes for that pretty high on our list of things we want (if not let it dominate the list entirely). I know I’ve been blinded by that hope quite a bit over the course of the last few decades. All the decades? A little callback to yesterday, but romantic love for me became a totem that could fill the void my mother never did. I didn’t know this. I was a kid. There was so much I didn’t know; I was just trying to survive. Seeing my situation for what it was…well, that wasn’t an option for my tiny developing brain. Fast forward to adulthood and I find myself pursuing a fix to a very deep problem in all the wrong places. That’s how I’ve come to understand much of the unhealthy bent to my pursuit of romance. I was fortunate enough to date someone who called that out directly before COVID. I didn’t immediately take action on this, of course, except to shoot something pithy back (that was equally true but c’mon man). Then I started dating someone else, freaked out, and realized I really was the problem. I finally got my ass into therapy. I was in for a really, really rough ride. I don’t blame past-me for avoiding it, and I don’t blame anyone else who would rather avoid facing the demons. But facing those demons is necessary. And doing so alone is dangerous. Don’t forget that you have friends. If you don’t have friends, make some before you wander too much farther. Whether that’s in the pursuit of romance (I hope you’ve got an easier time of that trip than I did) or simply into life itself, the people around you are already offering love. We fixate on romantic love as this end-all-be-all in our society. The person who will fulfill all your needs. This is too much for one person. It takes a village to raise a child AND fill out a bracket in a Mario Kart tournament. Life is meant to be shared with a community, and the forms of love that come from that are as varied and beautiful as anything we can imagine. Invest what you can in those people first, and they’ll be there to pick you up when you fall. Whether that’s from a breakup, or recovering from the most recent battle with your past. #40by40 #Turning40 #Relationships

I’ve spent a lot of my life in search of love. Not just romantic love, but all forms of it. If you follow me on YouTube you probably know a bit more of my story, and I’ll get into it here in time, but the short of it is that I was neglected as a kid. My sister recently sent me a meme about the potent combination of an emotionally absent father and an emotionally unstable mother leading to a disorganized attachment style. These kinds of things make my nervous system light up like a Christmas tree. I’ve done a lot of work over the last six years to course correct for this and, depending on who you read, my odds of succeeding aren’t great. But that just makes the progress I’ve made so much more outstanding (yes I’m patting myself heavily on the back in public here). Developing better, healthier friendships has been a big part of it. The missing component is finding a securely attached romantic partner. But the foundational element is the relationship I’ve cultivated with myself. It’s taken a ton of work. Setting boundaries with myself to stop certain behaviors. Setting more to protect myself from others. Stepping in to comfort and defend myself in ways I never was as a kid. Grieving the loss of that childhood, letting go of the things I never had, and embracing the fact that even though I never will, I can give much more to myself than I ever realized. That was perhaps the hardest thing to do: give up the hope that someone would come and save me. It’s an honest hope, but a child’s hope, and one that I had to lay down before I could fully step in and do the saving for myself. Once I did that, my relationships with others started improving in lock step. The first person I needed to love was me. And the first love I needed to be able to accept was the same. It’s not enough, we’re social creatures after all, but it is foundational. Essential. I’m happy I figured that out finally. #40by40 #Turning40 #Relationships

When I was younger I’d often make decisions in the moment that I figured future-me could pay for. Whether that was overspending my food budget a few days early, or using some of my student loan money that I could have paid back immediately. I figured I’d enjoy it now and future-me could figure it out. What I was doing was building up a hefty burden for that future version of myself. When future-me became present-me, present-me was pretty pissed at past-me. This should probably come after number three but the idea is simple enough, essentially it’s a reframing: think of what you can do today for the benefit of future you. Even if it’s as simple as thinking “I’m going to put this laundry away now so tomorrow I can get a quicker start to the day,” it will do the trick. Or if we’re in keeping with the financial decisions, “I’ll pass on this splurge tonight so I can enjoy a few more meals with friends later in the month.” We have to do chores no matter what, but thinking about how doing them now might save our future-selves stress, time, or a little bit of clutter can really impact how we see ourselves. By being considerate of my future-self, my relationship with myself improves. I feel loved and cared for. It increases a sense of trust and stability within my own tiny home. Simple trick really, but I’ve found it has a big impact. #40by40 #Turning40 #Relationships

so many things to see in paris 🤍 #paristravel #paris #parisguide #travelinspo #parismustdo #thingstodoinparis #traveltiktok #lifeinyour20s #paristiktok #parisaesthetic #parisaestheticvibes #aesthetic #pinterestaesthetic #monalisalouvre #louvre #cafedeflore

Let’s talk about the friendship bracelet scam that pops up near the Sacré-Cœur in Montmartre. Remember- these dudes aren't your friends. If you encounter them, just say "NO" and keep walking. Enjoy the view from the Sacré-Cœur! #Paris #ParisinMyPocket #Scams #TravelTips #Paristok

Don’t let the zombies scare you off (they only come out on Mondays when all the shops are closed anyway). The 20e is similar to the 13e for me - lots of great streets and neighborhoods, some fantastic restaurants and coffee shops - and yet it’s just so far away. If you live on the other side of Père Lachaise? Good luck commuting. However, that street that runs along the far side of the cemetery is super quiet and lined with amazing houses… it’s tempting. Not gonna lie. I would not complain to end up in the 20e, depending on which section I found myself in. It’s just not going to be near the top of my list… yet. #Paris #Arrondissements #Livinginparis #Paris20 #20in20 #ParisTok

The 19e has so much to love. The more active section of the above ground canal (in terms of space and corresponding activities like petanque and movie theaters), breweries, my favorite park, great restaurants, coffee, and so many different kinds of ethnic food. I think the 19e is overshadowed by its more popular neighbor in the 18e, leaving it one of the most underrated arrondissements when it comes to outsiders. Parisians know. Well, some do. Most in my neighborhood think it’s halfway to the moon, and it’s probably best that way. Very high on my list of places I’d live in Paris. #Paris #Arrondissements #Livinginparis #Paris19 #20in20 #ParisTok

I can’t talk about the 17e without getting into trouble but I’m going to try really hard here… it’s fine. I would put it somewhere in the middle of my list of places to live in Paris, up a few notches for a few reasons. One: Line 14 cuts through here now and makes it feel better connected to the rest of the city (you can go back and see a vlog I made way back when visiting the Pont Cardinet station while it was still under construction). Two: the coffee scene has greatly improved. Three: the parks are still really nice (always have been). And four: The food has gotten a few boosts. It’s quiet, residential, and a nice blend of modern/Haussmanian. I’d happily do it, but only if I had to. #Paris #Arrondissements #Livinginparis #Paris17 #20in20 #ParisTok

Home sweet home. If you know my story, you know I didn’t actively choose to live in the 16e. If you’ve lived in Paris for any stretch of time, you know that the average Parisian has a couple of very predictable responses to anyone who admits to living in the westernmost arrondissement of the city: and usually they’re concerned at best. The 16e is beautiful, quiet, and very upscale. It lacks completely for the food, coffee, and nightlife that I love most about Paris - although specialty coffee is slowly sneaking in. I’m here because I was fortunate enough to fall into a maid’s chamber when I was here in 2012 volunteering for a medical organization. Doubly lucky that my landlady didn’t charge me rent AND offered to let me live here indefinitely. She is my number one patron, and I will forever be grateful to her for putting me up in the 16e. #Paris #Arrondissements #Livinginparis #Paris16 #20in20 #ParisTok

Heading to the Tuileries Gardens? Don’t miss this spot 👉 the Palais Royal Watch the video as Lily shows you why it’s worth adding to your Paris itinerary 💙 If it’s your first time in Paris, make sure to grab our free Paris Trip Checklist. It's your go-to guide for everything you need to sort out ahead of your trip and when to do it by. Link in bio to get it for ✨freeee✨ #paris #paristrip #thingstodoinparis #exploreparis #paristravelguide #tuilleriegardens #palaisroyal

Look, I like the 15e. It has one of my favorite movie theaters, the one I learned how to take myself out on dates in (because c’mon, if you can’t treat yourself, who can you treat?). It’s got Good News, it’s got the biggest Statue of Liberty in Paris and it has some outrageous angles for photos of the Eiffel Tower (not least of which is from the city’s only hot air balloon you can ride). It suffers the same disadvantage as the 13e for me, which is that it’s so far from the action. It suffers further because it’s even FARTHER from the action - West Paris is not where it’s at. And one last blow, the food scene isn’t nearly as dynamic. I have no hate for the 15e, I’d just rather not live there. #Paris #Arrondissements #Livinginparis #Paris15 #20in20 #ParisTok

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